Casey Kasem turns in his grave... And by grave I mean swivel chair

Bored senseless? Don't mind being completely perplexed by America's music tastes? Do yourself a favor and scroll through the Top 100 downloaded songs on iTunes.

If you've never read beyond the top 10 songs on the iTunes home screen, you're in for quite a treat. Sure, it's weird to see the Backstreet Boys in the top 10. People seem to be emerging from underneath their rocks, too, seeing as "Yeah!" and "Let's Get It Started" are in the top 40.

I'm going to analyze the more oddball song choices here, hopefully shedding light on the dark circus that is American music taste.


60. Green Day - "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)"
62. Vitamin C - "Graduation"

These two songs are proof that high school English students never actually understood "The Road Not Taken" (but still are amazed at their own profundity when they put an excerpt in their senior quotes). After years of hearing siblings and friends weep uncontrollably during these flimsy sapfests, it's obvious American teens are always content with the status quo when they make their graduation party mixes.

Can you imagine what it must've been like in the late 90s when both of these songs were in their respective primes? It must've been earth-shattering when your class voted on which tune would more aptly describe their mediocrity.


24. Five for Fighting - 100 Years

Isn't this song a year old? I thought people finally understood just how bad this guy was, and once again I'm proven wrong. It must've been featured on some heartbreaking series finale--ranked 24? Yagaddabekiddinme. Poor frontman John Ondrasik must've had a family and friend campaign to download as many copies on as many computers as possible so he could have one last 'fighting' chance at not playing juice bars and block parties for the rest of his career.
UPDATE: The song is on a crappy Chase Bank commercial--finally, the perfect theme song for the evils of free checking and online bill pay.

63. Sir Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back

This Baby's got staying power. Mix-A-Lot must have marketing power, too, because somehow this poetry of posteriors has remained a mainstay for about 15 years. If it wasn't for these royalties, Mix would be rapping with that fatty Andy Milonakis on his website. OH WAIT!

Somebody get me his agent.

(Editor's note: Andy Milonakis does have an MTV show now, so maybe Mix-A-Lot was onto something. Ahem.)

51. Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby

I'm assuming this comeback has something to do with his appearance on that one-hit-wonder show. Who the hell said to themselves "Oh YEAH.. I remember this gem! Since I have no dignity, I'm going to turn Rob Van Winkle's respirator back on and give him false hope for a career by downloading his lone worthless contribution to society from the iTunes Music Store"?

I guess everyone.